CONAN: Everybody, we're back. My next guest has appeared in numerous bits on this show over the years. Now she's a cast member on Saturday Night Live. Here she is in a parody of The Bachelor from, uh, last weekend's show.

(SNL clip)
MAN (ERIC MCCORMACK): (gives rose to Bethany [Maya Rudolph])
BETHANY (MAYA RUDOLPH): Oh, my gosh.
AMBER (AMY POEHLER): Ugh!
WOMAN (RACHEL DRATCH): Thanks for holding my rose for me, Bethany. (grabs the flower)
AMBER: Fine, I don't care! 'Cause next week, I'm going on Fear Factor and I'm gonna be eating bloodworms...for money! (hops away and farts) Yeah, that was me. Strawberries make me fart. Jealous? (farts as she leaves the room)
(SNL clip ends)

CONAN: Very attractive. Please welcome Amy Poehler!
(Amy walks out and waves. Conan gets up to greet her. They shake hands and she sits down. Amy fixes her pants as she sits.)
CONAN: Thanks for coming!
AMY: And I fixed my pants!
CONAN: You do what you gotta do.
AMY: Thanks!
CONAN: And I'll do what I gotta do.
AMY: (laughs) Thank you for showing the farting right off the bat.
CONAN: Well...let's just get it out of the way, you know what I'm saying? (Amy laughs) The cream always rises to the top. (Amy laughs) Now, I've known you for a long time because you used to do all these great, terrific bits on our show before you got the Saturday Night Live gig, and it's funny, I've always pictured you as a kid, you must've been different than the other kids, 'cause you've got a very unique sense of humor.
AMY: Yeah, well, you know...you know how you used to play like House or Secretary when you were a little kid? I used to--
CONAN: Yes, I did.
AMY: You used to all the time?
CONAN: I loved to play Secretary!
AMY: (laughs and claps) You would get out your pencils.
CONAN: (laughs) Yeah.
AMY: Um, I used to always kind of-- I was always kind of attracted to the...to the trashy, cocky, and wrong side of things, so I used to always, like, be like, "Oh, you know, I'll play...I'll play House but I want to be the, you know, the...the unwed mother." You know? Or...
CONAN: (laughs) The Unwed Mother Game.
AMY: Or, "Yeah, I'll play Secretary but...but my secretary has a drug problem!" Like that.
CONAN: Right, right.
AMY: And, you know, people would be like, "Uh, we're nine."
CONAN: (laughs) "Let's not-- "
AMY: "Let's not not go there."
CONAN: "Let's not play this anymore." Do you get recogn-- I mean, you've done, uh, Upright Citizens Brigade and you've been on this show a lot, but now you're on Saturday Night Live, regular cast member. Are you getting recognized a lot now when you walk down the street?
AMY: You know, I don't get recognized that much but I actually got a great remark the other day. I don't think it was because somebody recognized me but I was walking down the street and there were these, these two guys were unloading a truck. And, uh...
CONAN: Were you alone or...?
AMY: I was-- I was among a sea of many different women. And, and, one guy turns to the other guy and he's like, "Hey, Bobby, why don't you ask these girls why they left their asses at home?" And I was like, "Thank you! I did leave my ass at home! Hahaha!"
CONAN: (laughs) Uh-huh.
AMY: And then I went to work and Tracy Morgan pointed out that that wasn't a compliment.
CONAN: That's not a compliment. Yeah, it's too bad.
AMY: They wanted me to bring my ass and I didn't bring it.
CONAN: Yeah. Well, that's kind of like getting recognized!
AMY: (laughs) Yeah!
CONAN: I'm told you were just traveling? You were...where were you? You were in Canada pretty recently.
AMY: Yeah, I just went to Toronto for the day and, um, we had to go through immigration, you know? And, uh, because of the heightened security, I get really nervous now even though I'm not doing anything wrong.
CONAN: Right.
AMY: And I'm always afraid that for some reason they're not going to let me back into the country. Like, that they're gonna be, "No, we're full." You know? "You can't come back in."
CONAN: Right. (laughs)
AMY: So I got to immigration and I just started babbling like for no...and I don't have anything to hide, and, uh -- well.... Um, but, and the guy was like, uh, you know, "Why'd you go to Toronto?" and I was like, "Oh, I was here for a confirmation. I mean, a christening. I mean, I mean, I was here for a day and, uh, you know...I know how to make a bong out of an apple!"
CONAN: (laughs) It just comes out, yeah!
AMY: It just comes out!
CONAN: How do you make a bong out of an apple? (Amy laughs) We'll talk later.
AMY: Very slowly!
CONAN: Now, is that-- have you ever thought, like, what can you do to relax? How do you relax? Do you ever do anything to just calm down?
AMY: Well, the schedule is pretty rough, um, uh, on the show so I decided to, uh, take a friend's advice and check out this Chinese herbalist.
CONAN: Mmhmm.
AMY: He's a Japanese guy and he does Chinese medicine, and he was this really amazing guy here in New York.
CONAN: That's confusing already. (Amy laughs) There should be a law against that.
AMY: Yeah. And, um, he's this amazing healer but he grabs your wrist and he just is like.... (grabs Conan's wrist) You know, he just grabs it and he's just like, (doing a Japanese accent) "Oh, your spleen is very happy."
CONAN: Really?
AMY: "Oh, your kidney says, 'I'm very tired.'" Stuff like that. And, and he, he wrote down this number on a piece of paper and he said --I'm thirty-one-- and he wrote down, uh, "Mind thirty-one but organs twenty-four." And I was like, "Sweet!" you know?
CONAN: That's good.
AMY: And then he's like, "Body ready to have baby." And I said, "Yeah, I know, but mind's not ready to have baby."
CONAN: Right.
AMY: And he's like, "But body ready" and I was like, "Yeah, but mind's not ready." And he was like, "BODY READY TO HAVE BABY."
CONAN: (laughs) That's a little weird.
AMY: And I was like, "I get it, I get it."
CONAN: Right. (Amy laughs) He was pressuring you.
AMY: But he was pretty cool, yeah. He did this whole scan on your body with his fingers to like--
CONAN: Are you sure he's a doctor? (laughs) Where'd you meet this guy? "At a party."
AMY: Yeah, it was in the back of a van, but he was a really cool guy! (they both laugh) I met him--
CONAN: It's time for the finger scan, yeah.
AMY: (laughs) Yeah, and then he gave me all of these herbs and all these pills to, like, help me with my anxiety because I get a little anxious.
CONAN: Right.
AMY: And, um, and then I, I had this whole list of herbs to take and then I got stressed because I wasn't taking them the right way, and then a couple days went by and I didn't take them, and I didn't make the tea right, and so I had, like, a panic attack and I thew everything away. (laughs) But I feel great!
CONAN: But your spleen is very happy!
AMY: (laughs) Yeah, my spleen is happy, yeah, yeah.
CONAN: Now, I, over the years, I would say we've had a lot-- we've used a lot of, I think, very good performers on this show to do little bits.
AMY: Yeah.
CONAN: But you always stood out because we would-- we used to use you to play Andy Richter's sister in the audience.
AMY: Right.
CONAN: And you'd do these different bits in the audience and you just seemed to really thrive when you were in front of people performing. I mean, you'd, you'd be great at rehearsal but you'd be even ten times better when you were in front of the crowd.
AMY: Oh, thanks.
CONAN: Yeah. Did you like being in the audience performing like that?
AMY: Yeah, it's really fun, but word-- word to the audience is, um, we used to do bits here and, you know, uh, I would have to sit in the audience and every once in a while, during the bits, people would realize that they were on camera and they would start being like (making noises and faces).
CONAN: And they're doing it like-- they do it sometimes behind the actor who's doing something--
AMY: Right.
CONAN: --which ruins the whole reality.
AMY: And they would be like, "Whoohoo, look at this girl, she's crazy!"
CONAN: Right.
AMY: And so sometimes it would screw up the bit, and so I started getting wise to it after, like, the twentieth time I did it.
CONAN: Right.
AMY: So, um, I, I used to sit in the audience and I would-- I would turn to the people next to me and be like, "Hey, hi, how ya doin'. Uh, you guys are gonna be on TV so you better cool it, okay, um, because if you try to wave or make a face, I'm gonna kill you." (Conan laughs) "If you ruin this bit, me--"
CONAN: (laughs) Yeah.
AMY: "--and the band, we're gonna come and we're gonna hurt you."
CONAN: Yeah, yeah. And then you'd see you doing the bit and people just crying quietly (Amy laughs) next to you.
AMY: Yeah, just quietly--
CONAN: It made for very awkward comedy.
AMY: --sitting on their hands.
CONAN: Uh, this weekend Saturday Night Live has host, uh, Nia Vardalos from My Big Fat Greek Wedding and musical guest Eve.
AMY: Yeah.
CONAN: So that's gonna be a good show.
AMY: Lots of ladies.
CONAN: Lay-dies.
AMY: Mmhmm.
CONAN: Thanks for being here.
AMY: Thank you for having me!
CONAN: Amy Poehler, everybody! We're gonna take a break. David Cross! Stick around, he's coming up!